Reacting to Enemies and Claiming Responsibility
by Brian Bagnall
Claiming responsibility over our feelings is one of the most difficult tasks we face. Even more challenging is, nobody can hurt us emotionally unless we let them. It’s not what happens to us, it’s how we deal with the situation that determines the entire experience. If we react badly and harbor negative thoughts and emotions, we can become to others just how we feel on the inside. We have a choice in life: we can either be defeated or consumed by perceived negative events, or we can take them in stride and learn to grow from the experience.
Harboring negative emotions never does well for our body, relationships, or life happiness. The negativity can consume us, sapping us of our inner energy. Positive influences in our lives become distant; leaving us vulnerable and more able to attract negative people. We, then, become the very person we dislike triggering similar responses from other people and ultimately leading to more drama.
We have a responsibility to ourselves to remain happy. If we work on our introspection of events and see the good rather than the bad, we can then be able to harbor positive thoughts rather than negative. For example, let’s say a boyfriend or girlfriend cheated and lied to you about the situation. Instead of thinking, “they are scum” or “what’s wrong with me” and beating yourself up, we can instead focus on a positive, “At least I found out now and can move on” or “I will find someone who will treat me right because I am deserving”. The change in thought relieves us of pain. We can also look at how we may have contributed to the problem, so we can learn from our own mistakes.
So when Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, what she meant was we are responsible for our feelings. We have complete control over how we react to situations in our lives. If we become angry, it is not the person who is making us angry, but ourselves. Why are we angry? Do we feel insecure? Are we not comfortable with ourselves? Discovering the root of why we are angry or upset may lead to self-discovery and can help us realize why we are harboring negative emotions.
How we react to a confrontation or problem is our choice. We choose to react a certain way. The Ego reinforces feelings of fear, anxiety, and insecurity, which lead us to believe we are vulnerable and cause us to react negatively. If we believe we are vulnerable and not confident, others will begin to believe this about us as well, creating the role of the victim. When we begin to admit we are responsible for everything occurring in our lives, we can truly begin to shine and take ownership over our lives and happiness.
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